I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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