I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
