That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
