worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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