our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
