apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
