We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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