even my farts smell like vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He? As in you personified your dick?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
soo... how was my night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
