I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
