yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
