After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
