Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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