i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
