How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
