I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
