so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize