I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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