Capitaan dildo arrescate!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
