Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
