I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
