I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize