i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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