I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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