guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
