I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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