She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wear drunk well.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
