She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
