worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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