I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
