the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I forget how to act sober
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
