Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
