you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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