would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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