There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
