Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
