Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
