oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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