No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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