Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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