Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
