Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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