I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
