I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
