fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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