that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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