Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can I color on your dick again?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
