Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
