I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
