Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
