I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
