Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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