I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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