I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
