Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
