I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
