Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
