hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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