If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
