I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
