im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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