Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
