having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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