pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
