Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
