Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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