Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
