this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Too much gin, very little bucket
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
