I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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