I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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