he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
