"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
