And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
