EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
