hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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